Got triggered by your family over the holidays? Wonderful!

I am only half joking. 

I know it may not feel wonderful right now. But seriously, this is such a great opportunity. Opportunity for what I hear you cry! Opportunity to get to know yourself better. Opportunity for personal growth and transformation. 

Why? 

Well, when we get triggered by someone, what we are experiencing is projection. (Note: by trigger I mean that someone does or says something that really really gets to us). 

Projection is one of the main defences of the ego. Our ego does not accept certain qualities about us and as a result these get pushed outside of our conscious awareness, into what we call our shadow (our unconscious). These shadow qualities are then projected onto other people. So when we get triggered by someone, the other person is showing us what is in our shadow. They provide a mirror in which to see the rejected / hidden part of ourselves. Showing us so that we can become aware of it and integrate it. This might be hard to accept! Shadow is often associated with darkness but it doesn’t necessarily mean bad. It can also be gifts and talents that you have. 

The ego will resist working with shadow in this way. It will create lots of emotion in us and we won’t want to own what is in our shadow. However, once we are able to integrate our shadow, we reclaim our power. We are not at the behest of external circumstances (and people) making us suffer. 

So that person that caused you pain over Christmas? Use it to explore and integrate your shadow and they will no longer have the power to hurt you in the same way. 

Not only that, integrating these qualities enables us to get to get to know ourselves fully. Our true selves. This is the pathway to leading a happier and more meaningful life. 

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want”. ~Margaret Young. 

Once we know who we truly are, and integrate all aspects of ourselves, we are no longer being run by our past conditioning / by our unconscious mind. Then, we are able to move towards the things we want, to truly understand and create the things that are meaningful to us. Otherwise we think we are going after things to make us happy, but we are either choosing things at a surface ego level and/or are actually repeating patterns and cycles that were chosen for us. 

As Jung says: “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will think of it as fate”. 

So welcome that trigger. And that person! Let’s face it, if they are our family, we are stuck with them :) But use the opportunity. Get curious about it. It is telling you something about yourself. And, believe it or not, it is the perfect guide towards your own happiness. 

Elle x