Why do resolutions fail? 3 tips for keeping yours in 2022

When we make a resolution, we often have very good intentions. We really do want to get fit, lose weight, live better, drink less alcohol, quit sugar, leave our soul destroying job [insert whatever it is that you know you want to change]. And yet, studies show that most people have given up on their resolutions by February. 

So why is it so damn hard? Simply put: there is something unconscious i.e. outside your awareness that is getting in the way. 

Our ego, which is our sense of “I’, is created early in life. Now the ego gets a bit of a bad rap. Mainly because when we think about ego we associate it with egotistical and this conjures up all sorts of negative images and judgments. But really our ego is developed with one simple mandate: our survival. With the best of intentions it will do whatever is needed to keep us safe.  That includes keeping us safely part of our “tribe”. When I say tribe I mean our immediate family, social environment and community that we want to belong to. 

The main way it keeps us safe is by creating a persona - a social identity or personality - that we can safely present to the world and which allows us to belong to our group, our tribe. Then, everything that the ego perceives it is not safe to be - all the undesirable qualities that it fears others might judge you for and may result in being pushed out of the tribe - gets pushed into the unconscious (into what we call the shadow). 

So, when we want to make changes to our life, our ego senses this as a possible threat to the persona. It is concerned that you might be seen differently by people, and that you may be rejected as a result. And it will therefore fight the change. The ego wants to stick to the status quo - even if that is not serving us. Even where it is causing us pain.

You might feel determined and committed on a conscious level to make a change in your life, a change which seems to be positive eg losing weight. However, at an unconscious level you are being held to the patterns and conditioning that were created a long time ago. This is why you are having problems and struggle to make changes like those we try with new year resolutions. 

Oof this all sounds a bit hopeless doesn’t it?! 

Thankfully there is a way forward :) It is all about working with your mind. YOU have the power to change it. Yesssss! 

So, I hear you wondering, how on earth do I do that? How do I work with my mind so I can stick to resolutions and achieve my change goals? 

Here are my 3 tips for sticking to your resolutions:  

Tip #1: Get to the root fear which is keeping you stuck. And then befriend it. 

What are you (or your ego) really afraid might happen when you lose weight? Perhaps you were always the bigger one in your family and the ego is worried that your role will change and you will be abandoned as a result. Or if you really quit your job to start your own business then you would have to face the possibility of failing and that is too damn scary for the ego. 

Once you know what is stopping you, what is getting in your way, you can move to befriending it.  Yep that’s right. Have a little friendly chat with your fear. Get curious and ask it questions. And, ridiculous though this might sound, thank it for being there. For doing its job to protect you and keep you safe. 

If you start to feel emotional, that’s okay. Stick with it, allow the emotion to be there rather than pushing it away. 

When we are friendly towards our fears they loosen their grip. Which is going to make it much easier to push on with those goals. 

Of course, having a guide or coach to help you see your blindspots - the patterns & fears that are keeping you stuck - will help expedite the change you are trying to make. 

 Tip #2: Reframe your resolution. Think of it as something you are creating rather than giving up. 

What you put your attention on grows. Often we make resolutions to give something up. Something we are attached to or even addicted to - psychologically, emotionally, physiologically. Then it is about denying ourselves something that - paradoxically - we really want to hold onto. The moment we deny ourselves something, it becomes all we can think about. And then, it becomes magnified which just makes it impossible. 

If, instead, we resolved to create something, then that would shift our attention completely. It would feel open, expansive and full of possibility. And then our mind can focus on growing that intention. 

Example: Instead of “Goal = lose 10 pounds” reframe to “Goal = take care of my body with nutrition and movement”

Tip # 3: Connect to your unstoppable why. 

What is a higher desire that you can connect to for making this change? Here we want to connect to internal, or intrinsic, motivation rather than the external. Can you connect your goal to something deeper within you? Or perhaps to something much bigger than you? 

So, for example, you hate your job and want to leave. Why do you want to leave? Are you leaving because you are running away from or avoiding something? Or is there something you are moving towards? Something deeper that can drive you? What do you want to create in your life? 

Here’s to making 2022 the year of a different & deeper kind of change. And remember, this is the season of deep rest & dreaming. You have plenty of time to lean into your goals and dreams this year. So take it easy on yourself this month. And if you are not sure what you want from this year you may find this Guide helpful for reflecting & setting some intentions. 

You got this!!