Self-care and self-love - where do you begin?
We first need to know: what do we mean by self-care and self-love?
I love this definition of self-love by clinical psychologist Deborah Khoshaba, Psy. D:
“Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in ourselves, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our shortcomings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.”
Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. So it is important to figure out what self-love means to you.
Take a moment now to consider this. You might like to do a journaling exercise with this question: What does self-love mean to me?
To help with answering this, I like to think about self-love in the following ways:
How we talk to ourselves - we all have an inner critic and judger. Noticing this and talking to ourselves with kindness and compassion is a big part of self-love. And includes being kind and forgiving to ourselves when we forget this! Imagining talking to yourself like you would a friend that you care about is a good way to connect to this kind, compassionate side of yourself.
Taking care of our needs - when we are used to serving others, taking care of ourselves can be hard. A key act of self-love is to put ourselves first (without the guilt attached). This might mean first of all, tuning in to what our needs, wants and desires actually are. These could be small scale like connecting to a type of food we really want, or a walk in nature, or a hot bath…or it could be bigger like making a lifestyle change that works for us even if those around us are doing something different. Honouring ourselves and our needs is a big part of self-love.
Setting healthy boundaries - this is a big one (and could be the subject of an entirely separate blog post!). Start small by reflecting on what/who you are currently saying yes to when you would rather say NO.
Practising self-care - I put both self-care and self-love at the top of this post, but really self-care is part of self-love and vice versa. To practise self-care, we often need to go back to the basics and find ways to nourish ourselves that will often include: listening to - and moving - our bodies, taking breaks from the phone/computer/screen, eating healthily (with some indulgence!), getting good sleep, being in nature, connecting with others, doing something creative.
Ultimately, self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are.
So what steps might you want to take to begin cultivating self-love?
I would love to hear from you!
Wishing you much love & care as you move through life,
Elle xo
