Why I work with the Shadow in my coaching practice…

I mentioned in my last blog post that a large part of my work is focused on helping clients to integrate the parts of themselves that have been pushed away into what Jung called ‘the shadow’. 

This week I wanted to explore what the shadow is and why it is important to work with it. 

So what is the shadow? 

Our shadow is all the things that we don’t allow ourselves to be. All the things we are not aware of - unconscious of - that we reject about ourselves. These are not necessarily negative, but are disallowed for some reason. 

Our ego is protecting us from certain things that would feel very frightening for us by pushing them into the shadow. We are not consciously aware of what is in our shadow. It is not the things that we consciously avoid revealing to others eg. we might feel insecure but pretend to be confident - this is us (our ego) presenting a persona of confidence when we don’t really feel it. This is in our awareness and therefore not in the shadow. 

We need to build up enough persona - self-identity - in order to face the world. Of course in doing that, we inadvertently create the shadow. Because, in choosing what we present to the world, what we are, we are also choosing what we are not. 

Shadow shows up in lots of ways. For the purposes of personal growth and transformation, and specifically the personal freedom that comes from working with shadow, one of the most useful ways to become aware of what is in your shadow is through projection.

Projection is one of the main defences of the ego. Because it does not accept these qualities, these shadow elements, it (our ego mind) projects them onto other people. We know when we are confronting our shadow when we are triggered by others. It is the rejected / hidden part of ourselves that we are seeing. 

This might be hard to accept! At first you may not want to even entertain the idea that these aspects - the things you see in others that you think are awful - are actually inside you too. Shadow is often associated with darkness but it doesn’t necessarily mean bad. It can be gifts and talents that you have that were deemed unacceptable so became hidden out of your conscious awareness. 

The ego will resist working with shadow in this way. It will trigger lots of emotion in us and we won’t want to own what is in our shadow. 

So why bother doing this hard work?! 

Over time, if you can move towards the discomfort that arises when you face these aspects of yourself, and realise that you did not die (!) then the fear loses its power. 

Once we are able to face that emotion, and integrate our shadow, we reclaim our power.

Then comes total freedom to choose how you want to be in the world. We are not at the behest of external circumstances (and people) making us suffer.

We feel okay about who we are, and no longer live in fear of certain parts of ourselves that we have to keep hidden. As a result we lose the fear of the judgement of others - to not live in fear creates an incredible grounded self-confidence and self-belief. 

Not only that, but the energy that was being directed towards maintaining our persona and defending against what is in our shadow, can now be a powerful creative energy to create something new.