Are you having a hard time making a decision? How to make the best decisions for your life (Part 1).

Decision-making is probably one of the most exhausting activities our mind has to encounter. We can spend so much time ruminating about the decision and what is the “right” answer, and then when we make it, we then unpick it and wonder whether we made a mistake. Sound familiar?! 

The reason you have a hard time making decisions isn’t only because you don’t know what you want, but because there is a fear - the ego’s fear - of making the wrong decision. You want to avoid that feeling of regret or disappointment after you see a decision you made play out in a way you didn’t want it to. Not only this, most of the time when you’re making a decision, you’re making it from your unconscious programming. It is a conditioned response. 

Research tells us that our brain makes a decision around 8 seconds before you’re conscious of it. So there is this mechanism in place. Then, your ego mind will make up a story to rationalise the decision around why you chose a certain path, but the justification really has nothing to do with the decision at all. There is an unconscious part of you driving the decisions of your life, created by past conditioning that pre-chooses your fate automatically.  We keep making decisions like we’ve always made decisions. That’s why we keep staying in the same comfort zone with repeated outcomes. 

For example, if you are wondering if you should stay in the same job that is stable or to pursue a new business which is going to be challenging and scary, your conditioned  mind (ego) will always push you toward the safe choice – stay where you are! You can wrestle with the choices but, if your conditioning to be safe is stronger than the part of you that is motivated by adventure, you will choose to stay in the secure job. No matter how much you mull around in your mind with the pros and cons, you will always choose security over an exciting new path.

The mind is in a constant battle between the desire for growth or the conditioned response to retreat in safety. It is exhausting! 

So is there a way to make conscious decisions that aren’t driven by our conditioning? 

We know the decisions we make are pre-conditioned, but we also know there is a lot of energy and emotions that come up when we are in decision-mode.

Indecision can cause incredible anxiety in your body. Your mind is trying to rationalise each choice, while your emotions are pulling you in both directions and creating confusion.

There is an emotional charge that pushes you in one direction or another that is revealing your conditioning. This emotion can help you identify the conditioning in action so that you can make more conscious choices in the future.

Instead of trying to make a rational decision through logic when the conditioning has already made the choice, the best bet is to go into the emotions that are stirred up inside when you are faced with the choice in the moment.

If you are wanting to cultivate more conscious choices in the future, here is an exercise to try: 

Exercise: Close your eyes and identify the feeling that is charged when you think about the decision. Ask yourself, “What would I choose if I wasn’t afraid?” Drop all the stories around the decision and logical analysis and see if you can find that part of you that isn’t afraid, that pure consciousness that wants you to grow and have more life.

When you don’t let fear drive your decisions, you will start to make them outside of your old patterns and can create new pathways in your life.

The process of becoming aware takes time. The more you work with the feelings that arise when you make decisions, the more you can make the unconscious conscious and connect with your inner wisdom to guide you to the highest expression of yourself. This is the only way to free yourself from the past and create the life you want.

Elle xo