Motherhood as a gateway to finding your Purpose
Whenever the course, direction or meaning of our life changes dramatically we go through a process, or rite of passage.
Many years ago there would have been rituals to mark these initiatory moments. These rituals are less frequent nowadays, save perhaps for marriage ceremonies and funerals (even these fall short in many ways).
However, life still initiates us. What I mean by this is that there are key moments, events, and transitions in life when we are initiated into something new - sometimes by choice, sometimes not.
Examples: moving out of childhood into adolescence; moving through adolescence into adulthood; retirement; losing a job; loss of a loved one. Having a baby.
Motherhood is a key initiatory experience. Why am I sharing this? Because initiatory events create opportunities for the soul’s calling to come forth i.e. to become attuned/initiated into your life’s purpose.
As the Jungian analyst Lisa Marciano writes in her book Motherhood: “Initiation rites are meant to set us on our path, to open our hearts to the deep, mysterious purpose inherent in us at birth.”
Any challenging experience can give us the opportunity to move towards our life’s purpose, but motherhood is a particularly clear one.
As a female initiation, the motherhood journey has 3 aspects: descent, sojourn & return. A female initiation is similar to the mythical idea of the hero’s journey which may be more familiar to you. Except that instead of going outward, it requires a deep descent within.
As Marciano explains: “Like any initiatory experience, [the motherhood] journey forces you to surrender control and descend into your depths where a confrontation with your soul awaits you…such an experience has the potential to be transformative - to enlarge our sense of who we are, to clarify our place in the great arc and sweep of time, and to affirm our belonging to the cosmos.”
But how?
It is my belief that any initiatory journey requires some kind of guide, teacher or mentor. To help us see what is difficult to see on our own because we are too close to it.
So then what would you be looking to explore or see with the help of this guide?
First of all, the transition into motherhood creates a conflict between the identity (persona) we had created for ourselves prior to motherhood, with the one that we are being called to embrace as a mother. If any of you have watched Inventing Anna, you may recall the journalist in the opening episode at an ultrasound scan, reckoning with the fact that with motherhood she is going to be called to take care of another at the potential huge cost to her career. A chapter is ending and another begins. With this comes loss. A loss of freedom, control, and our former selves.
If before becoming a mother you loved your freedom to travel & struggled to make commitments (perhaps even resenting those you did make), then motherhood is going to bring this into sharp focus. And it might be painful. However, herein lies an opportunity to face this part of yourself, to face the loss, and perhaps for you it will mean learning that this desire for freedom & avoidance of commitment is an old pattern of conditioning that you have been carrying around with you. Whilst it can be challenging, it also is a moment to consider what truly matters to you. To accept and integrate where you are in life, and who you are now becoming.
Second, it is a time when you are faced with both your light and your dark qualities. As I discussed in an earlier blog post here, your children will show you, like a mirror, who you are. This is what can make the motherhood experience so challenging. We will meet those aspects of ourselves which are off putting, regrettable or even disgusting and repulsive. These are aspects which we have pushed outside our awareness, into our shadow. And then they are projected onto our children.
When this happens, rather than moving away, if we can move towards this, & claim these other parts of ourselves (or learn how to drop the fear of being, or being seen to have, these qualities) then there is the opportunity to transform and grow. To grow down into the authentic you.
With that the path you are meant to be on will reveal itself to you. When you know who you are beyond the labels (and persona you have created) then you will know what you are meant for. You “return” with a clear sense as to how your purpose is meant to be expressed. It will be connected to the real you and not something you think you should do, or that is being driven by conditioning outside of your awareness.
And following that path will become easier. Not only that, but you will be able to connect to your creative energy to create whatever you want, which is a true reflection of your purpose.
Each of us, according to Jung, has an innate blueprint. Like the acorn theory - the acorn has everything within it to become an oak tree, we are the same. We have everything within us to become who we are meant to become, and to follow an inborn plan.
Our journey as mothers can move us along on this journey to knowing ourselves and our true purpose. Whilst any major life event is an opportunity for us to become clearer about who we are, what matters most to us & what we want to express, the nature of motherhood creates access to this - a clear gateway - in a way that is more direct.
Not only that, but as we see our children grow up, it reminds us that time passes quickly. That it is limited. And with that comes an urgency to focus, to identify what matters most & make sure we use our time well.
So I guess this is an invitation. To embrace the motherhood journey as the opportunity it is: to go deep within, see yourself fully, become whole (not perfect) & connect to your purpose.
Have a beautiful weekend,
Elle xo
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