The myth of perfection: why it makes decision-making so difficult, creates anxiety and keeps us stuck

Do you struggle to make decisions and often feel paralysed? Even minor decisions like what food to eat? Does the thought that maybe you made the wrong choice crop up frequently and make you feel deeply anxious? If yes, you’re not alone. 

When we worry that we might have made the wrong choice - about our career, the city we live in, the person we married - what underlies this worry (and fear) is the belief that there IS a right answer, that there is a perfect life that we should be living. That there is a perfect set of choices and if only we get it “right” we will live happily ever after. Sounds like a fairy tale no? 

“We’re so deeply conditioned to believe that there is a right or wrong choice that when it comes time to make even the minor decisions in life, we’re scared of messing up”. Sheryl Paul 

We rationally know that there is no such thing as perfection, though we sometimes secretly wish there was (I see you 🙂). However, even if we consciously remind ourselves that there is no such thing as perfection, and tell each other, on a deeper unconscious level we have been conditioned to believe that perfection IS possible. 

The myth of perfection, which we unconsciously carry around with us as we move through life, drives our decision-making and ultimately causes us to lose trust in ourselves and be filled with self-doubt. Even more so for those sensitive folks - of which I count myself one - who have a predisposition to feel things very deeply, reflect often and analyse almost constantly! 

When we believe that there is a “right” answer - and start scanning and looking at other people to find out what that is - we leave ourselves wide open to feeling like something is wrong with us and/or we won’t get to be happy. To blame ourselves when we make mistakes, fail and so on. This leads to self-esteem issues, lack of confidence and… tons of anxiety. 

The quest for perfection (happiness) will be a key cause of making us unhappy. Ironic, no? The very thing we seek to make us feel happy is the very same thing that causes us to feel unhappy (miserable, anxious and so on). 

It also keeps us really stuck.

So how about we try something new? It’s TIME! 

It is time to reckon with the fact that there truly is no right answer. There is no perfect life out there that we have to get to or create in order to feel happy. 

Instead there is something much better - the trust in ourselves together with surrendering to (and acceptance of) the richness of the full human experience - the joy, the sadness, the love, the loss, the freedom, the longing, the excitement, the grief, the exhilaration, the failures, and the successes…the being alive in all its shades and complexities. Welcoming it ALL in. 

There is a freedom, peace and quiet happiness in all of that. Not an externally validated “right answer” but a deeper knowing and trusting which feels right, no matter what happens out there. 

Can you resonate? Are you ready to let go of the need to get everything right?